This anime can’t even animate tears. That’s how bad it is.
Ever since Ken Akamatsu’s Love Hina, we’ve been seeing wave and wave of harem copycats that have no idea what made both the anime and manga so good. But for all of the awful ones I’ve seen, I had heard from a lot of anime fans that none of them were as awful as Green Green. Thinking it would be prime Ani-Elitist material, I decided to marathon the series and hoped to god the fans weren’t kidding. I sort of regret I did, because not only were the fans not kidding, they underplayed the horror of what I watched. Or to put it another way, Green Green sucks worse than sex with Angela Baker.
You’re probably wondering what it is about this particular harem that’s so awful. Well, here’s a picture of the main reason right here.
Surprisingly, this anime actually changes things up a bit from the stereotypical harem formula. It’s too bad that all of the changes happen to be fucking retarded to the point that I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a trowel. Let’s start with the first one: the Baka Trio. I’m sure you can guess based on the above picture of the four guys who I’m talking about and believe me, that picture is showing less than a tenth of their annoyance. They happen to be sexist characters who aren’t funny, one of the few things I hate more than the No-Name McBore main character and his equally banal female admirers, who are present in this anime as well. And not only are they not funny, they surpass Dan Fogler in terms of being not funny. Every single episode involves them trying to spy on the girls in increasingly stupid ways that not only have we seen (or at least heard of) a million times, but they usually end up with them getting stripped and having their censored nuts slammed into my face. When they say that naked men are funny, this isn’t what they mean! I’m not even going to go into every little thing they do wrong because if I did, this post would be…
Not that there’s any shortage of the females stripping. I either downloaded the uncensored version or this is one of the anime’s retarded changes from the usual harem formula, because there were more tits being shown to me in this anime than there were in your normal hentai. But because of the ugly art, it didn’t help to release my frustration of seeing the fat glasses guy’s E-cups. In fact, If anything, they just added to my misery even more. The contrived situations are so lazily setup that I felt like the writer of this anime was writing in one hand and jerking off with the other. And when you’re reminding me of Troy Fucking Duffy, that’s not a good sign.
Let’s go to another change. Surprisingly, only two girls fall in love with the main guy whilst the rest of them are so inconsequential they’re hardly worth mentioning. One of them is a hyperactive girl (shown above) from the future (no really) who is so empty and has a voice so annoying that I’m calling her Chipmunk. The other is a tsundere tough girl (shown below) who is also lacking in personality, but compared to everyone else, she’s tolerable. I’ll call her Purple due to her hair. Now you’re probably wondering what is so bad about that kind of change. It should be a good thing that only two girls are suitable candidates, right? Well it would be if it wasn’t for the fact that the main female girl is so awful that I’d rather have focus on the hot teacher. Yeah, we get Purple being focused on too, but she’s not nearly enough to prevent me from wanting to strangle Chipmunk, especially since they share an awful lot of screen time together. I wouldn’t say this change is for the worse, but it’s definitely not for the better.
Don’t even get me started on the plot of this anime. It tries to force some retarded time drama bullshit on us that was more retarded than the Negima anime. In other words, it tried to be more than it actually was and boy did that backfire badly. The only good thing that happened from that plotline was that Chipmunk was gone and Purple was free to get with our main character. Which she did in the…uh…hentai episode that came sometime after the series ended. I’ll go into more detail about that in a future post. But basically, that’s practically the only change to the usual harem formula I’ll give a pass to.
Oh yeah, and there’s cumming jokes.
Fuck this anime! Once in a while it can get a chuckle out of me with that delinquent guy (who was unfortunately barely in the anime, and I won’t put a picture of him in here because he’s cool) and the Baka Trio getting their comeuppance, but most of the times when it does have an occasional funny joke, it ruins it by extending the joke too long. I don’t know if this is the worst harem anime out there, but when you’d rather watch Da Capo again, that’s not a good sign. And plus, why are all the tears fucking terrible CGI? Are you kidding me? Every…single…one…*keels over and dies*
- Okay, not all of the tears were CG.
- I’ve never seen Dan Fogler outside of movies, so I don’t know if he’s actually funny when he’s unscripted.
- Don’t even get me started on the opening of this anime.