Since Draggle is not available for a little while, I decided to take over his duties of writing SAO fan fiction this week. And no better episode to try my hand at it then with this episode. So let’s start, and let me say right now that this is exactly how I saw the episode.
Asuna and Kirito’s tri-blades were able to push the monster back, but the size of the giant monster blade was still too much to handle.
“Dammit, we need more blades!” yelled Kirito.
“Everyone attack!” yelled the commander to the surrounding army. “Thrust your blades into it!”
The men complied and rammed their long rods of steel into the monster. With the giant masses overwhelming the monster’s own mass, it immediately fell in battle. However, the results left fourteen people with their blades rendered unusable and everyone else’s blade worn out and tired.
“We still have twenty-five floors,” said Klein. “At the rate we’re going, our swords will become limp and dull before we make it to the third.”
As Kirito realized that even he had his limits, especially in regards to his dual blades, he noticed something very odd. The commander’s own blade, despite everything that had happened, was still stiff and upright. Upon realization of what this meant, Kirito dashed at the man and swung his sword, only to be met with an invisible wall. Everyone else gasped at the sudden attack, but they soon gasped at something different. The “immortal object” sign over the commander’s head.
“I knew it!” cried Kirito. “You are the programmer who trapped us in this game.”
“How did you figure it out?” asked the commander.
“Well for starters, who else could keep on fighting with that blade and not lose any strength whatsoever?”
“Hm, you have a point.”
“Also, when we last had a contest of blades, I realized that for an instant, you went too fast in order to finish. Faster than even the most incompetent of human beings. I watched Futari Ecchi and even that loser is not as fast as you.”
“That’s why my wife left me,” moaned the commander. “She couldn’t handle my speed, even though I never tire out.”
The commander then grinned at Kirito in a creepy way.
“But your power exceeded my expectations. I never expected someone who could control the speed and endurance of his sword the way you can.”
“What of it?” asked Kirito.
“You know, there’s no point in dicking around anymore considering we have our swords ready and all. Let’s compare them right now. If you win, I’ll let you all leave.”
As Kirito pondered this, Asuna decided to defy expectations by suggesting an actually smart idea.
“No Kirito-kun, don’t do this. For now…for now we should fall back. Give your sword time to recover.”
“I’m sorry, but a man must continue despite all the odds, Asuna,” said Kirito without hesitation.
“I agree,” said the commander before casting a spell that paralyzed everyone except Kirito.
“What are you doing?” asked Kirito when he saw what had happened.
“Let’s just say I don’t want what happened to Lionel Ritchie and his future white ex-wife happen to me. It looked really painful.”
“Yeah, that did look painful,” agreed our hero.
After assuring Asuna and everyone else that he would be alright, Kirito readied his swords and faced the commander.
“Before we go on, I want you to guarantee something,” he said.
“What?” asked the commander.
“I want you to make sure that Asuna can’t kill herself, just for a little while.”
“Feeling sympathy for your concubines now?”
“No, I heard that Hell has sexy succubi and I want to sample them before Asuna joins me.”
After laughing at Kirito’s foolish request, the commander agreed before turning off the ability to keep his sword from ever deteriorating.
What followed was a battle of swords that could only be described as so orgasmic it had to be played in slo-mo in order to see what was happening. Unfortunately, Kirito’s swords were not enough to get past the commander’s defenses and eventually, one of his twin blades broke.
“Silly Kirito-kun,” said the commander. “Even I know that aggressive offense is not what you use in order to achieve the best results. And that is why you fail.”
Unable to counterattack in time, Kirito closed his eyes as the inevitable blade plunged towards him.
…but it did not come.
For Asuna had managed to free herself from the paralysis and took the incoming blade herself.
Kirito grabbed the falling girl and could only stare in shock as Asuna’s life force dropped to zero.
“No, Asuna,” he cried. “How could you do this to me?”
“I’m sorry Kirito-kun,” she replied weakly. “But I’d rather take a thousand blades in me before I see you get hurt in any way.”
“Are you stupid? Why would you think I’d want that? I’d rather…”
“You’d rather die than see me get penetrated by another. I know. But still…I don’t care what happens to me. And I knew you wouldn’t agree, so…goodbye.”
And with that, Asuna disappeared. Kirito could do nothing but mope.
“See, this is also why I paralyzed everyone,” said the commander. “We get angsty drama that kills the fun.”
Not finding the commander’s joke funny, Kirito picked up what remained of Asuna’s own blade and fought with every ounce of strength he had. However, the blades have become so dull from overuse that they couldn’t penetrate a piece of looseleaf paper. And then…
“I win,” smiled the commander.
“Sorry, but neither of us win,” said the mopey boy.
It was then that a blade went right through the commander and he soon understood what happened.
“I’m going to hell. And you’re coming with me.”
Unable to speak, the commander just smiled and accepted his own fate before disappearing into nothingness. Kirito then closed his eyes, ready to join Asuna wherever she might be.
Suddenly, Kirito found himself in a hospital bed with an atrophied body, long hair, and no woman to tend to his needs. He had survived the encounter, but how?
“Oh you’re awake,” said the nurses. “We were able to save you in time before you disappeared in the game world. Congratulations for getting out.”
However, Kirito was not happy. He was unable to meet his wife in hell like he promised. Instead, he was thrust back into the cold harsh reality that he never liked in the first place. His mind was gone. His body moved on its own, despite its weakened state.
“Asuna…” he cried as he got up.
“Wait, you can’t leave!” yelled the nurses.
But Kirito didn’t care. He didn’t want to accept the fact that his life was taken away from him by another man with a bigger sword than him. He didn’t want to accept that the girl he loved was thrust far out of his reach. All he cared about was clinging to the false hope that she was still alive, the man was dead, and his sword was still functioning in its current state.
- I didn’t include “that” scene because it would break the flow of the story.
- Yeah, I was surprised when I learned we’re going into this next.