Winter 2017 Anime First Impressions — You’re An Anime. Animate Something!

Let’s get some first impressions out of the way just to remind you guys that I still remember anime exists.

I’ve been making an effort to change my blogging style and priorities for 2017 due to some convincing arguments that I should lighten up a bit along with some changing tastes combined with reality. And also, let’s be honest, there isn’t really anything anime-related I can write about at the moment that’s new and refreshing. Well, maybe there is, but I can’t think of anything right now. Especially not with this line-up, which I should point out I’m probably not going to be following as they air.

Maybe if one of my friends are following a specific show that’s not Konosuba and they want to talk about something, but otherwise I have my hands full with watching Disney films and playing anime games to review. There’s some other stuff too, but the bottom-line is that I’m not getting paid to write exclusively about anime, and I’m definitely not getting paid enough to sit through all this.

Akiba’s Trip

While I haven’t actually played the video game for this, I do own it and it was the only new show that day, so I figured I’d see how this adaptation was. As expected, it was pretty damn cheap. The animation is horrible, all the characters are generic stereotypes, and the stripping action lacks imagination. Just a passionless commercial for the game.

Seiren

Paint-by-numbers is pretty much how I describe this original anime by a visual novel writer artist. It continues the Amagami tradition of having weird fetishes (ass-cheek marks are a turn-on apparently) as well as the tradition of having nothing standing out in either the plot or the character department. In fact, it was weirdly fragmented with the way characters are just passed from unimaginative set piece to unimaginative set piece, even for visual novel anime. But at the end of the day, there’s no story and we all know there isn’t going to be one beyond bland dude falls in love with bland chicks, so why on earth would anyone want to pay attention to this?

Masamune-kun no Revenge

Also paint-by-numbers, but not quite as boring as Seiren because at least the main character has a (very stupid) goal he’s committed to. You know, I’d really like to see an anime that actually examined the actual strengths and flaws of a former fat kid turning athletic as he grows up rather than using it as an excuse for cheap jokes and shallow girls hanging out with the lead. Obviously we’re not going to get that with light novel writing, but we can all dream, right? Actually, take my advice and don’t dream for it. Just move on to something else instead.

Youjo Senki

So annoying I turned it off five minutes in. Hate little girls, hate military stories, and I hate the animation/character designs of this ugly light novel adaptation. Give me a million bucks and then I’ll sit through this.

On a side note, I asked a friend of mine who did finish the episode (and was just as repulsed) what happened and he mentioned that the main character is a psychopath who would sacrifice her own soldiers for her ambitions. So basically, I’m fully incapable of enjoying Youjo Senki.

Fuuka

For some reason, the first two episodes aired on the same week, meaning we won’t have a new episode for a little while. Which meant I had to sit through double the pain of a show that tries way too hard with its romance that was clearly written by an elementary-schooler who got addicted to Twitter. The main character is not relatable (especially not to me since I’m not on Twitter much these days), the upcoming love triangle is irritatingly illogical in a manner that I’d rather save for another post, the animation is lifeless, and the combination of anime cliches with CW-drama is distractingly mismatched. Also, I know who Truck-kun is, okay? So don’t bother telling me.

eidlive

Man the animation in this thing is cheap. I’m so used to Shonen Jump stuff looking like Hero Academia or Hunter x Hunter, so seeing one that’s clearly using such blatant cost-cutting is just jarring. But even if you got past the uninspired presentation, you’d see that the writing isn’t much better. Literally everything happens for no reason other than the plot demands it with nothing stand out about it whatsoever. I’ve seen more passion in a napping contest.

ACCA: 13-kun Kansatsu-ka

Look, I’m not dismissing that exposition, world-building, and all that good stuff is vital for quality, but for god’s sake don’t make your first episode contain nothing but that stuff. Anime is supposed to animate something, and twenty-four minutes of Jean just living his life, dealing with an issue that ended up getting resolved anticlimactically as an excuse to show off how cool he is while explaining how ACCA works is NOT what I consider “something”. I mean if you were to take a vacation to Disney World, would you rather go on a ride first, or would you rather hear an explanation regarding the history of said ride as well as the park beforehand? While I do care about the latter, how about telling it to me during a break from the adrenaline?

Or is this supposed to be some sort of Mad Men/Patlabor-ish show where you’re just watching a bunch of professional people live their lives whilst occasionally dealing with conflicts? If so, then I’ll pass on ACCA out of pure preference. Also, the animation is ugly.

Onihei

I really wish some of you guys hadn’t told me who Studio M2 was, because I would have preferred to be surprised at Onihei being watchable without knowing it’s Masao Maruyama’s second studio. Not giving it anymore praise than that at the moment, as it’s a pretty simple premise with no real hint of an overarching story besides the life of Heizo as he cracks down on Edo-period bad guys. Visuals are decent, although the actual animation is very limited. Depending on what happens in the future, it can become a decent show, or it’ll be one of those watchable anime that I immediately forget after finishing. Or it could be complete shit. Hey, no one can predict anime future, and anyone who says they can is either a pretentious asshole or has ultimate bullshit powers.

Hand Shakers

Oh wow, this looked awful. Like really really awful. It’s really quite astounding how GoHands continues to get worse over time given the already low standards set by their previous crap. But yes, Hand Shakers looks set to be even worse than K and Coppelion, mostly because…ew. How can anyone stand to watch this show? Oscar from fucking Shark Tale didn’t look this uncomfortable. And do I really need to describe the story of this anime either? If you’ve seen one substance-less GoHands anime, you’ve seen them all.

Chaos;Child

Did the people behind this spinoff really fight for an hour-long premiere just so they could dedicate the first half to reminding us of Chaos;Head again? While I obviously noticed the slightly different character designs compared to the Madhouse adaptation, so much of the first episode was dedicated to retreading the bad memories that I thought Crunchyroll accidentally uploaded the wrong file at times. Can Chaos;Child really not stand on its own as a separate product to the point that you had to dedicate half the runtime to summing up the exploits of a completely different group of protagonists instead of, oh I don’t know, making the protagonists fucking interesting?

Yeah, once you actually get into the new stuff, Chaos;Child starts hitting every problem with transferring a video game to an anime. It starts off in medias res, meaning that I don’t know who the fuck these characters are or why I should care about their interest in the mysterious circumstances Takumi caused years ago until the upcoming backstory that may or may not occur. The art and directing is incredibly bland, causing the “scary” moments to be more annoying than anything. And because this is a semicolon anime, the few males are nerds while the numerous females run a giant pandering trope gamut. I know they’re supposed to be tropes “ironically”, but the irony is too paper-thin to the point that it’s eating the cake before it was allowed to have it. This hour-long premiere was just an un-engaging snorefest the entire way through.

Scum’s Wish

The execution in this show is off. No I’m not referring to the visual presentation or overall direction, which looks outstanding compared to all the other cheap messes I sat through. I’m talking about how this show is trying to sell us on the idea of “sex friends without the actual sex”, which is hard to buy on its own. Unfortunately, the inconsistent tone, over-the-top dialogue, what looks to be several more additions to this mess based on the opening and ending credits (two more girls to be exact), and how the characters don’t seem to have much personality outside of the romance stuff is really not helping. Not that I expected anything great from Scum’s Wish based on what people have told me, but I did expect something that went a little more all the way than what’s currently being offered. Shame.

Everything Else

Didn’t care for any of the first installments to the sequels this season, so I’m not bothering with them except for maybe Rewrite after a few episodes air and I fully clean the stink of the first one off of me. Also, I’m never touching March Comes Like a Lion again. I gave it one more chance this season and the slice-of-life segments combined with the continued focus on mood over progress in regards to the drama bored me so hard that I completely lost investment in watching anymore of Rei’s depression issues. Zero interest in that Mappa idol show or any of the shorts. And A-1 Pictures? Can’t be bothered this time.

As for those well-animated cute girl shows, watching Kobayashi Dragon Maid’s PV alone was fucking painful, so there’s no way in hell I’m sitting through any of the genuine article. I actually did watch the first episode of Little Witch Academia, but due to legal reasons combined with how only the most deluded of readers wouldn’t know my opinion of that, I’m just going to say this: twenty-five episodes? Are you insane, Trigger?

****

All in all, I see no reason for me to keep up with this season while it’s airing, especially at the sacrifice of what I’m writing about right now considering anime video games are more fun and those Disney Animated Canon movies should be all that’s necessary to satisfy your anime quota from this blog if you’re not into interactive mediums (you monsters). Oh, and for those of you who say that those films have nothing to do with anime…

…I rest my case

I do plan to watch/write about some of these Winter shows later, but for now…eh. Just not in the mood.

Minor Quips

• Also taking a break from MAL, so anybody who wants to contact me on there…don’t.
• I have a friend who only watched Sound Euphonium 2 last season, and I could not recommend that decision fast enough, I tell you that.
• So I take it that Little Witch Academia is getting the Kuromukuro treatment regarding its Netflix release in the US?
• Actually, the new A Series of Unfortunate Events show will be on Netflix by the time this post comes out, so I’ll be binge-watching that first.
• Maybe people like ACCA because of how Jean always has that “I’m constipated” expression on his face no matter what he’s doing.